Active Listening
Active Listening:
Being a business owner, my brain is always running at 1000 miles per hour. My phone is forever going off. There is always distractions surrounding me and quality time with someone seems like a rare luxury.
I went out for lunch with someone recently and I was honestly flattered when they put their phone on do not disturb mode and set an hour timer as we spoke and ate together. Neither of us had to check our phones to see the time and get distracted by notifications, our phones were off the table and it was only us talking and catching up. It was the most quality time I have had with anyone in a long time.
In a society where everyone can get ahold of us instantly and immediately and demand parts of our attention and get upset when we don’t reply or answer the phone, our in-person relationships have suffered.
That lunch changed my perspective and we got so much done during that time.
Now it is something I always aim to do.
I have looked more and more at ways of actively listening.
We should set aside quality time for people and give them our full attention. It’s respectful, loving & counter-cultural today. These are the tips I want to share with you today!
1. Timer- if you meet someone for coffee, give them your undivided attention. How?! Sounds silly, but set a timer on your phone- however long your meet up is, 1 hour, 30 minutes, 2 hours etc… put your phone on airplane mode or DO NOT DISTURB. Don’t keep it in sight, put it off the table. You won’t have to check the time, the alarm will go off when you need to wrap up, and there is no distractions from notifications. And then you can genuinely give your friend undivided attention.
The same goes for your meetings with people at work or sales meetings.
I guarantee you will feel the difference and your friend will REALLY appreciate it.
Also if someone is draining or high maintenance, the timer allows you to have solid boundaries during this time, to give someone your full attention for the time that is healthy for you & be able to leave when the alarm is ringing and reschedule another time.
40 minutes of solid attention wins every time over 3 hours of distracted company.
2. When you are helping or listening to someone either on the phone, or in crisis:
a. Grab your headphones and plug them in. Grab your notebook and pen, and doodle/write notes as they talk to you and LISTEN. No scrolling on social media. No distractions. Writing notes keeps you focussed and allows you to ask great follow up questions when they are finished talking.
b. If they are in crisis and have a lot going on, make notes of everything bothering them or that they need to do, so that it is written down. This will demystify the stress and help to organise their thoughts. Together you can work through the chaotic to-do list step-by step.
c. If it’s a meeting write down everything that you talk about- like minutes, to keep you on track. Also write down everything you agreed to do for each other at that meeting. Once you hang up, write up those notes so that you go-over everything in that conversation once more and fully process what you both talked about and email it over to hold each other accountable.
Listening is NOT a passive activity- it is something you get better at with practice. In our society we hear people, but often we are busy and distracted by everything else, or scrolling on our phones and not properly LISTENING. By listening we show value to our friends, employees and customers. The word undivided attention is what we need to offer on a personal setting.
Wherever you are, be all there.